Forgive Me
by BeautifulBlood
Summary: She sighed and let herself be comforted. It had been a long while since she let herself be comforted.“Please, Forgive me.” He said silently." read inside for summary and story. (WARNING! Character death...)
1. Loss is Never Easy

Rating: T

Description: This is a Havoc/Hawkeye paring. It's quite angsty, or so I MEANT it to be….;;;; So…please read! Even though I know hardly ANYONE reads these commentary anyways…I mean, why would you? There is the whole story below, that IS why you would click on the link right? DUH! Anyways…here's the story as it goes!

**Forgive Me**

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she held him tightly. His blood covered her hands, legs, arms, and face. She buried her face into the crook of his perfect neck. It still held remnants of his spicy cologne mixed with blood and smoke. _WHY!_ Her mind screamed at her. Her body shook with pain filled sobs.

Havoc shut his eyes and turned his face away. Tears fell silently from his own eyes. Their colonel, their leader, their friend even, had just died. Havoc's body felt heavy and weak. Even though Mustang was a close friend, the scene of Hawkeye's despair was enough to turn his stomach. He could feel the pain emanating from the broken woman. He knew, better than anyone, her feelings for the colonel. He had helped to keep her secret. Her confidence in him one night after his last advance on her meant a lot to Havoc. It told him that she trusted him after all. _But this? Here today?_ It broke him. It tore him limb from limb painfully though his limbs were still attached.

"WHY!" The woman cried out purely broken. She held tightly to the man who she had dedicated her whole life to. The man that she, above all, loved with her whole heart. She threw her head back and sobbed. She felt a few small drops of rain fall on her tear stained face before the sky opened up and let loose a torrent of water droplets.

She hung her head in disgust. "You always hated the rain…" She muttered to the body lying in her arms. She turned her face to the sky. "IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE? HE HATED THE RAIN! AND YET YOU DUMP IT ON HIM AFTER HIS DEATH! WHAT KIND OF A SICK, MESSED UP GOD ARE YOU!"

As though in response, the sky lit up with a lightening bolt that spread over the whole sky like a spider web. Loud thunder proceeded and the rain fell even harder yet. She scoffed. "You do this to spite me don't you…?" She laughed bitterly. Pulling out her gun and aimed it upwards towards the sky and let loose two rounds. "I DON'T CARE IF THIS GETS YOU OR NOT! IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!"

Havoc turned away from the woman. He couldn't STAND to see her this way. He leaned against the nearest building for support. _Hawkeye…_ ran through his mind over and over again. He wanted nothing more than to go wrap his arms around her in a tight embrace and rock her back and forth until her tears subsided. But, he knew that right now…was not the time. She was too hurt, too broken that he could never even attempt to 'fix' her. He looked back at his shocked and pained colleagues as well. They all stood still in awe at Hawkeye's actions and yet they sympathized with her. It was written all over their faces. They hurt just as much as he did looking at her.

She dragged Mustang up into her lap. She laid her head on top of his. "I love you, Roy…" She whispered to him, "I always have…" Fresh tears made their way back down her cheeks. She leaned over and kissed him lightly on his cold lips. She stared at his closed eyes. She could have sworn the bastard was smirking.

Ed sat on the train. He sighed. He was called back to central again. No one told him WHY, but he was called back…AGAIN. He rolled his eyes and stared out the window in boredom. Al sat across from him and Winry beside him. Winry was busy twiddling around with some mechanical device. Ed didn't know what it was or really bothered to give a damn. Al seemed to have something on his mind. Ed was about to question it when the train came to port. He sighed and stared out the window and was about to stand when he could have sworn he saw a blast of fire and a smirking Mustang standing on the platform. But just like that, he was gone. Ed paled.

"Brother…?" Al asked silently, causing Winry to look at Ed.

"What's wrong Ed?" Winry asked cocking her head to the side.

Ed stood up and grabbed his bag and rushes of the train. As soon as he stepped off the train he was greeted with two dismal faces. Fury barely managed a smile at Ed. Ed's feet felt like they were lead. He walked over to Fury and Farmon. Soon they were in the car on their way to central headquarters building. Ed didn't say a word fearing the worst. He remembered the feeling of seeing Hughes wave goodbye three years ago, all too well.

The trip to the building took five minutes at most, but felt like hours. Ed walked up into the Colonel's office where Hawkeye stood in uniform with a black sash across her chest. She stood in front of the colonel's desk. On either side of the room stood Armstrong, Havoc, Breda, and all other officers. Hawkeye offered a salute to Ed as they walked in. Fury and Farmon hurried to their places along the walls.

"Edward Elric! Stand at attention!" Hawkeye said mechanically. Ed knew better than to disobey. He stood with a salute.

"Yes, Ma'am!" He said. Hawkeye relaxed her position.

"At ease…" She said. Ed relaxed as well.

"Would you mind tellin' me what all this is about?" Ed asked getting annoyed.

Ed noticed the look that crossed Hawkeye's features as she cast her gaze downwards at the floor. She swallowed hard. Clearing her throat, she looked up at Ed again. This time, tears filled her eyes.

"On behalf of the State Alchemist division, we…we would like for you to be initiated as colonel." She said less than easily. Clearing her throat, she went on. "You were written down by Colo-"she paused trying to contain herself. "Colonel Mustang himself, in the event of his death, to take his position as Colonel."

Ed's eye widened. He felt the hot stinging of tears in his eyes. As much as he let on that he hated the colonel, he actually had admired him. Annoying as he may have been, he was the closest damn thing to an older brother any man could have ever wanted alongside Hughes. Ed fought back the lump in his throat. He heard Al shift uncomfortably behind him.

"What…what exactly does that…mean?" Winry's voice broke as she asked.

"It means…that…Colonel Roy N. Mustang is dead." Hawkeye said composing herself. Ed saw it; he saw it in her eyes. All of his suspicions were not in vain. She did love Mustang. Ed felt angry. Ed was angry at Mustang for leaving her, for not protecting himself better, and most of all…for promoting him to be colonel.

"How did he die?" Ed inquired, "And when? How long ago? Is this anything like when Hughes died? Not telling until weeks, months…I don't know how long it was, after the fact!" Ed couldn't help but get angry. Hawkeye understood his anger.

"No. It isn't like Hughes' death." Hawkeye sighed, "He died…two nights ago. We contacted you immediately and had you come here. I made sure to postpone the burial until a little while after you got here, sir."

"I see…" Ed said and looked at the uniform laying on the desk for him. It even had that infamous black sash.

Hawkeye nodded to the others, they all saluted. "SIR!" Rang out in unison from all of the officers. Ed looked up and around seeing all of their faces. Ed sighed and raised his hand.

"At ease…I'm not colonel just yet…" Ed nodded.

All the officers started filing out; the last one to the door was Hawkeye. Ed watched the others leave. He watched until Hawkeye was right in the doorway. He then turned around and looked out the window.

"Hawkeye…" Ed called.

"Yes, sir?" Hawkeye responded out of habit.

"I'm sorry…." Ed silently said.

"For what, sir?" Hawkeye asked.

"For your loss." Ed replied.

Hawkeye stiffened at the soft spoken words. She knew they were just small words, but…right now they meant so much to her. She nodded and stepped out of the office heading to her quarters as quickly as she could. She was ready to rest and Hayate was probably pretty hungry by now.

Winry looked at Ed. She walked over to him silently and put her hand on his shoulder. Al looked at his brother sadly. Al looked around the room. He saw a picture of Mustang standing with Hughes with an arm draped over on another's shoulders. Both men were leaning against each other. Al couldn't help but think; _now they can always lean on one another for strength…_

"Edward…are you going to be ok?" Winry asked Ed, who's eyes were hidden behind his bang. His shoulder shook slightly.

"He's gone, Win…he's really gone…" Ed's voice cracked. He leaned on his arms against the smooth wooden texture of Mustang's desk. Ed cried silently. "And I wasn't there…like with Hughes, I wasn't there….again…I let them down…"

"Ed…" Winry's heart broke to see her childhood friend in such a broken state. She also felt terrible for Riza. She knew that Riza had held feelings for Mustang. Winry couldn't imagine losing Ed like that, and never getting to tell him her true feelings. Then it hit Winry, _This…this COULD be me…_


	2. Back to Normal?

AN: Sorry about not putting in my character death warning…so. Here, I'll do that. , ;;; I am not good with this stuffs!

Chapter 2

Hawkeye walked down the familiar hallway and to the colonel's office. She walked in and rolled her eyes. Ed was asleep at the desk…again. She walked over to the desk and placed the daily paperwork on his desk. She cleared her throat. Ed just mumbled and snored again. Hawkeye felt her anger rising. She pulled out her gun and loaded it.

Havoc was walking to the lounge when he heard several gunshots and loud screaming coming from their Colonel. He laughed and continued on down the hallway. He passed by Fury who looked concerned over the sounds coming from the colonel's office. Havoc just patted his shoulder.

"Do you think everything's ok in there?" Fury asked worriedly.

"Its Hawk. She misses on purpose." Havoc said and continued down the hallway smirking. _That's our Hawk for you._

Ed sat in his chair, eyes wide open and Very much so awake. He stared at Hawkeye. Fear was present in his eyes. He smiled sheepishly and reached forward to grab a pen and get going on the paperwork in front of him. This earned him a slight smirk from Hawkeye as she turned to leave.

"Bloody menstrual women with guns…" Ed murmured to himself. Hawkeye stopped and clenched her fists at her side. Ed noticed this and paled.

Winry sighed as she heard the round of bullets fly off again and Ed screaming loudly in protest. She sat in her room, making sure Al was in good condition. Al sweat dropped. Winry just shook her head.

"He'll never get it will he…?" She inquired to no one in particular.

"I've been trying to help him…but he just wont listen…" Al responded.

"Al, we ALL have been trying for years…" Winry rolled her eyes, "He is just too stubborn…or stupid if you want to put that way…"

Riza lied on her bed staring at the ceiling. She was tired but sleep wouldn't come to her. She felt so empty. Everything seemed to be heavier. Each stack of paperwork, every step, even breathing felt harder to achieve. _Without him, I'm nothing…aren't I?_ She thought bitterly as tears welled up in her eyes again at the though of him. She missed his lecherous smirk already. She missed his laziness and sleeping on the job. She missed his snide comments. She missed his temper. She missed the way he would stare at his paperwork as though he was completely lost. She missed the way he poured his cup of coffee. She missed his bad mood when it rained. She missed everything about him.

She ran her hand along her pillow edge. She remembered back to when he was injured by Bradley. She remembered the way he gently reached over and touched her hair strands. The way his eyes looked when he looked at her at that moment. The touch, it had been so soft.

Riza sighed and rolled over opening her bedside table drawer. She pulled out a pair of white gloves. She stared at Roy's gloves. The one thing she had been able to take and save. The laid them against her heart. She rolled back onto her back. This time, when she closed her eyes, sleep evaded her. Her dreams would be far from peaceful though. She knew that…

Havoc and Farmon sat at the lounge table playing a few rounds of cards. It was, once again, an uneventful Friday. Havoc looked at his round; he had nothing. He looked up at Farmon who looked as blank as ever. Sighing, Havoc threw down his cards.

"Nothing…" He grumbled around his cigarette.

"Good…" Farmon commented, laying his own cards down, "Me neither. But still, more than you."

"Damn…" Havoc grumbled.

"Pay up…again." Farmon leaned back in his seat, raising his eyebrows.

"Twenty…forty….fifty. There you go…" Havoc mumbled and handed over the cash. Farmon counted it twice to make SURE he wasn't cheated.

"It's all there! Sheesh…whad'ya take me for? A cheap skate?" Havoc protested.

"Just making sure…" Farmon said with a slight smile. Havoc growled at him.

Hawkeye walked into the lounge. She spotted her colleagues playing poker, again. _That would make it…two…three…five times this week_. She sighed and poured a cup of nice hot water into a mug. She rested a teabag in the water. She turned around and leaned against the counter and watched Havoc lose yet another round in an effort to win back his cash. She shook her head. _Roy would have beaten them both easily…_ She mentally slapped herself for thinking of her former superior again.

"You boys playing poker again? You realize this is the fifth time this week…" She stated raising her eyebrows boredly.

"Men, Hawk. Men. We aren't little boys anymore. And yes, I have to beat him. My pride demands it!" Havoc stated with a grin.

"Men my ass…" Hawkeye grumbled to herself turning back around.

"What's that Hawk?" Havoc replied with a grin, "I think your ass is pretty nice…"

Havoc lied on the floor staring at the ceiling through smoke. _Ouch…damn! Didn't know she could throw like that!_ Havoc picked up the boot that so happened to have just previously made connection with his head. He then re-lit his now dead cigarette and sat up. He rubbed the back of his head. He looked up at the sound of laughter coming from Fury, Armstrong, Farmon, and now Elric. He glared at them all.

"What'cha all laughing bout!" He growled standing up. "Jeeze woman! Think you could throw a little more precisely?"

"I can try with bullets…" Hawkeye's eyebrow twitched, "I'm sure that would be more fun to dodge…"

"No, no, no! A boot's good enough!" Havoc said frantically, putting his hands up in defense.

"Smooth one Havoc." Ed commented from the doorway with a smirk.

"Yeah yeah…" Havoc said, "Just wait till that girl of yours is pregnant. THAN we'll see who has the last laugh!"

"SHE IS NOT MY GIRL! Plus, I wouldn't do that with her!" Ed's face turned red with anger and embarrassment.

Havoc snickered. He enjoyed getting their new colonel pissed. It was funny the way that short kid got so riled up over the smallest things. He glanced at Hawkeye. For a second he though he saw a tear fall down her cheek. She turned around and yawned. Havoc just shook his head.

"If I may, sir?" Hawkeye said turning back around with her tea cup in hand, "What brings you down here?"

"There's a new report…" Ed replied, his eyes darkened.

"About…?" Hawkeye pushed farther, she didn't understand why Ed was acting so different. As though, something was bothering him.

"A new homunculi." Ed looked up at Hawkeye.

"Great…" Havoc sighed, "Just what we need right now. Another bastard brought back from the dead…"

"What do you want us to do, sir?" Fury inquired.

"You, Armstrong, Farmon, and Breda are to stay here. Hawkeye, Havoc, You both are coming with me. We are going to investigate this new 'homonculi'."

"Yes, sir." Hawkeye said standing at attention.

"Yes, sir." Havoc stood at attention as well.

Ed nodded and left. "Prepare to leave by tonight…I want as best a chance at catching this bastard as possible." With that, Ed walked on down the hallway to his room. As soon as he reached his room he sighed. _I hope to god…that these reports were wrong and my suspicions are wrong…_


	3. It's Hardest to Forgive Yourself

AN: Heh heh heh…I'm so evil. I was about to wait about another day or two and make the suspence build…but, I decided I'll be nice. Here is Chapter three! And as for Ed and Win…you'll have to keep reading! This fic is definitely NOT finished…so after the end of this chapter…don't think that. I'M GIVING YOU A WARNING NOW, THIS CHAPTER IS NOT LIGHT AND FLUFFY. Its quite heavy on the dark side, plus this has romance in it…so…yeah…Enough of my babbling…READ!

Chapter Three

Hawkeye and Havoc shot at the shadowy figure that had just attacked the Colonel Elric. Hawkeye hadn't got a very good glance at the man, but she could tell that whoever this was, it was indeed a man. She reloaded and took off after him. Havoc helped Ed up. Ed looked pissed. Havoc yelled after Hawkeye.

"Hawk! WAIT!" He growled, "Damn her…she's going to get herself killed!"

"Shut up and run!" Ed replied and started chasing Hawkeye, "We have to catch up with her! That was no human, he was homunculi! I could tell that much…"

"Got it!" Havoc replied running alongside Ed.

Hawkeye turned into an alleyway. She pursued the man up the ladder and onto the rooftop. She reached the rooftop seconds after he had, but there was not one person within seeing range. She growled. 

"Damnit! I lost him…" She looked around the rooftop. "Wonderful…"

She hung her head and panted. She wasn't used to pursuing people anymore. She needed to get a good workout planned out again. She looked down into the alleyway across from the one she had just come from. She found it was longer down then she had thought. She sighed and wiped her brow.

"Tired already, Hawk…?" A man's voice rang out from behind Hawkeye. The voice was taunting, and frighteningly familiar.

Hawkeye turned around very, very slowly. She looked at the shadowy figure in the shadows. She looked at him in horror and fright. She measured him, he was the right height. Her breath caught in her throat.

"Surprised…?" The figure taunted while stepping into the light.

Ed and Havoc continued their chase. Havoc was beginning to worry. They had lost sight of Hawkeye. They were now going by where Hawkeye would be most likely to pursue.

"Where in hell could she have gone?" Ed was obviously worried.

"I don't know! Damn it! Why did she have to go on ahead!" Havoc growled.

Hawkeye had to run away from another attack. Tears streamed down her face. This was harder than anything else she had ever done before. She pointed her gun at him once again, and again, she could not pull the trigger. She tried and tried. Her fingers seemed to be frozen stiff.

"Again? You couldn't do it the first time…" He taunted viciously.

"Shut up!" Hawkeye screamed.

"Why…? Don't like to see dead people again?" He laughed bitterly.

"You…You're not him! You aren't Roy! You are just…some…some…" Hawkeye couldn't find the words to say.

"Oh…I'm not? Then how about that last kiss…" Roy smirked.

"Ki…kiss…" Hawkeye stared at Roy. _Is…is it really? Could he…possibly be…?_

"Oh yes, Riza. I remember the kiss. I may have been dead, but I remember it." Roy replied.

"Roy…? Please…no…you…you CANT BE!" Hawkeye screamed and aimed her gun. This time several bullets found their way into Roy's chest.

"Oh my god!" Hawkeye was horrified. She watched as Roy fell onto his knees. He flopped forward.

_NO! I just…WHY! Why must I watch him die, AGAIN!_ Riza ran over to Roy. She knelt in front on him. She picked up his body and hugged him again. Tears streamed from her eyes and into his hair.

"No…! Why! Why did I have to lose you again?" Riza sobbed. She felt her heart break again. Roy's arms lifted and wrapped around Riza.

"Miss me that much already…?" Roy laughed mockingly.

"Wh…what…?" Riza looked down to see Roy grinning evilly. He threw her backwards. Riza flipped over the edge of the building. She clawed wildly for a ledge or something. Her hand connected with the very edge. She grasped it and held on.

Riza dangled from the building. Her shoulder lit up with pain. She raised her other arm and grasped the edge with her other hand. She had never admitted it to anyone, but she was deathly frightened of heights. Roy laughed from above her.

"What…don't like to dangle?" He snickered. "Too bad…"  
"Why? Why Roy! Why are you doing this? Why did you come back!" Riza screamed at him.

"Roy…" Roy scoffs, "I don't go by that name anymore. I go by Avarice."

Riza's hands were losing grip. They were beginning to slip. _No! He…he is…he is one of them… _Riza shook her head. Tears fell at a steadier pace down her cheeks.

"Don't let go…or you'll go 'Splat!'" Avarice laughed menacingly, he took his foot and slammed it onto Riza's hands. Riza's hands slipped and she began to fall.

Riza screamed as she fell towards the ground. Havoc and Ed so happened to be turning the corner. Havoc saw Riza. He rushed forward as fast as his legs would carry him. He made it just in time to break Riza's fall. Both fell against the ground. Havoc's arm broke with a loud crack. Riza winced as she heard the terrible sound. Havoc winced and bit his lip hard to keep from screaming out in pain. Ed shot a round of bullets off at the figure above with his pistol.

The figure ran off. Ed had hit the figure three times. He thanked God for his shooting lessons. There was no way he could have used alchemy very effectively. He cursed though, when he turned and saw Havoc's arm twisted in an un-natural fashion. He looked at Hawkeye who was now beside Havoc trying to help him. Ed saw the fresh tears still in her eyes. He hoped, beyond hope, that his suspicion on the homunculi wasn't true.

Winry took a look at Havoc's cast and arm sling. She was relieved to find out that only his radius bone was broken and that his elbow had been popped out of place. The elbow had been popped back into place, and the arm placed into a cast for healing.

She couldn't help but to look at Riza. Riza was sitting away from them cleaning her guns. Winry stood and walked over to her.

"How are you doing?" Winry asked Riza with concern in her eyes.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask…? I'm not the one who broke my arm…" Riza said continuing to work away at cleaning her guns. She was trying hard to hide her guilt behind a mask.

"I know. And Havoc is fine, he is going to heal up all right. What…exactly happened up on the roof, Riza?" Winry questioned. She wanted to know why Riza was so distant. More so than before.

"I ran into the homonculi Avarice. That is all…" Riza said placing one of her pistols aside.

"But, that can't be all!" The teenager protested loudly. "You are more distant than before!"

"Win…" Ed started.

"Shut up, Edward! Why, Riza? Why!"

"BECAUSE AVARICE IS ROY!" Riza yelled out of anger and frustration, "Is that what you wanted to know so badly?"

"Wha…what!" Havoc said as his head shot up to look at Riza. "What do you mean, Hawk! That…That homunculi is Roy!"

"Yes…" Riza hung her head. "The homunculus…was Roy…"

Ed looked at the floor. He had hoped this confirmation would never, ever come. But, here it had. He knew for certain that Avarice was Roy. Roy had been brought back. Ed now, more than ever, wanted to find who did this. He wanted to personally ring their necks. Then he though better, he wanted to let Hawkeye kill them. Painfully and slow.

Havoc stood and walked over to Hawkeye. He placed his good hand on her shoulder. He looked at the floor. He knew this HAD to be tearing her apart. _Roy, back?_ And as a homunculi no less. Havoc felt the anger within in him building and boiling. He wanted to take out whoever was doing this. _This is hard enough without someone bringing him back as a homunculi! Riza's had it hard eno-_ Havoc paused. He realized that he sounded like some overprotective boyfriend of Riza's. He didn't notice that before.

"Hawk…he isn't Roy. He isn't the Roy we all knew and liked." Havoc said gently. He dropped his hand from Hawkeye's shoulder.

"I know…I know that." Hawkeye's voice was low. "Avarice is the creation from someone's attempts to bring Roy back. Or make the homunculi…"

Riza stood in her room again. She stared at herself in the mirror. She went over all the previous night's events. She couldn't get Avarice's face out of her mind. The way he sneered at her. She felt the hot tears build up again. She angrily wiped her eyed. A soft knock was heard on her door. She walked over to the door and opened it. She found Havoc standing outside.

"Hi…" Havoc said, he help a small tray a little unbalanced on his hand, "I thought you might like some tea…?"

"Yes…thank you." Riza opened the door further to allow him in. She took the tray and set it down.

"So…uh…how are you doing?" Havoc asked with concern.

"I'm doing fine. How is your arm?" Riza countered. She handed him his cup and took her own. She motioned to him to go ahead and sit on her bed.

"Ah…thank you." He said and took the tea while sitting down on the edge of her bed, "My arm is doing well. As long as I don't do too much with it, it's fine."

"I see." Riza replied taking a seat next to him.

"Hawk…I'm sorry…" Havoc silently said, placing his tea on the bedside table and turning to look at Riza.

"About what?" Riza said staring forward at the wall and taking a sip of her hot tea. She set it down for a little bit to cool down some.

"About…Avarice. I can't imagine how hard this must be on you…" Havoc said staring at the floor.

Riza stayed silent. She stared off into space. She really didn't have much to say. She couldn't exactly smile and say everything was good. She couldn't just pretend nothing happened.

Havoc felt uncomfortable with the silence. He shifted a bit uncomfortably. He looked back at Riza to find her staring blankly ahead at the wall still. He couldn't help but to think of how beautiful she looked sitting there like that. He mentally slapped himself. _What are you thinking! This is Hawk! You only JOKE about liking her…_ Havoc's head screamed at him. But, he still couldn't help but continue thinking that.

Riza looked over at Havoc when she felt the mattress shift a bit more. Havoc leaned over to her and placed his lips on her own. Her eyes flew wide open. She couldn't believe what he was doing! Against her better judgment she felt her eyes flutter shut and her body respond to him. Her lips pressed forward to him. _What are you doing, Riza! _Her mind screamed at her. Everything seemed to be going by quickly.

Havoc couldn't believe what he was doing! He was kissing Hawkeye! Hawkeye! For some reason, it was like his body had worked on its own accord. Like he was on some weird rollercoaster ride and all he could do was sit back and hold on tightly. He hated himself. He felt his arms push Riza down onto the mattress.

Riza settled down onto the mattress. Her body betrayed every bit of what her brain said. Her mind screamed at her body to stop, but it wouldn't listen. Her body acted of its own accord. She was frightened. She knew where all of this was leading. She knew this wasn't right, but her body continued anyways. Her body didn't, WOULDN'T listen to her protesting mind. She realized that there was no way to stop this. She felt her heart shred into pieces as her body went on by itself.

Chapter Four

Ed sighed. It was late it the morning and Hawkeye had yet to come in and deliver his daily work load. He looked at the clock. This was very unlike Hawkeye to be THIS late. He settled back into his chair with a frown on his face. He was in a grouchy mood.

Fury walked in with a bit of paperwork in his hands. He looked around and found no Hawkeye in the office. He looked confused. He looked at Ed's desk and found no stack of papers. He looked at Ed confused.

"Where is Hawkeye, sir?" Fury asked curiously.

"Beats the hell outa me!" Ed replied with a shrug and a helpless look on his face.

"This is very unlike Miss Hawkeye…" Armstrong replied walking into the office.

"Yeah, it's strange. Hey, anyone seen Havoc? We were supposed to play cards again…" Farmon said sticking his head into the office.

"No…" Ed replied.

Riza opened her eyes to the sunlight filtering in through her curtains. She stretched and yawned. _Wait…sunlight!_ She never woke when the sun was up! She opened her eyes again and stared at the curtains. She looked at the floor and found her clothing. ALL of it on the floor. That wasn't the only clothing she saw either. She saw a man's uniform and boots. _She paniced. Oh god! What happened last night!_ She racked her brain. She turned over to find Havoc staring at the ceiling. He didn't look too happy. He looked upset.

"H…Havoc?" Riza asked, the memories coming back quickly of the night before. She buried her face in her hands and began to cry silently. "Oh god…I'm such a whore!"  
"What!" Havoc said looking over at Riza, "Whore my ass!"  
"Then why am I like this! HUH!" Riza countered looking at Havoc through tears.

"You're not a whore Riza. Far from it…" Havoc said lightly and brushed his fingers against her cheeks to brush away some of the tears. "I took advantage of you…and I'm sorry…very, very sorry."

"You didn't take advantage of me, my body went against what I wanted it to do!" Riza replied.

"And I let myself fall into a trap of bodily desire. I initiated it. I'm sorry…I know. I'm dirt. And I could never compare to Roy." Havoc scoffs, "And I know he never would have let himself fall into this trap…"

Riza stared at Havoc. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. _Havoc? Comparing himself to Roy? Why? Why would he do that?_ Then it hit Riza. _Could it be…Havoc has feelings for me?_ She felt even worse than before. She felt dirtier than ever. She felt like she was the lowest thing on the planet.

"Havoc…I'm sorry…" Riza said, her voice cracking, "I…should have just stopped. I…I'm sorry I did this to you…"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Riza! Holy hell, woman! I did!" Havoc said as he shook Riza lightly.

"Yes I did! Don't belittle it Jean! It's true!" Riza yelled back.

Havoc sighed. He hugged Riza to him. "Cry…you need to really let it out…" He said while rubbing her back softly. He felt her stiffen and then relax. He heard her soft sobs and felt her hot tears on his chest. Her body shook from each sob. He closed his eyes and gently squeezed Riza.

"I'm here…shhhh…it's all right…" Havoc gently sat up with Riza and rocked her back and forth.

"Thank you…" Riza managed between sobs.

"It isn't a problem…no need for thanks…" Havoc stated.

Riza sighed and let herself be comforted. It had been a long while since she let herself be comforted.

"Please, Forgive me." Havoc said silently.


	4. A Night in the Wrong Arms

AN: Sorry this chapter is so short. I got kind of stuck this evening trying to find something more to go with. Eventually, I'll get around to adding chappy five. sighs heavily My goal: FIFTEEN CHAPTERS! At least… , ;;;;;

Chapter Four

Riza sat in her office staring at the walls with a stack of paperwork in front of her. Her mind was far from work though. She recalled the past several weeks. She felt as dirty and low as anyone or anything could get. She shifted her gaze to the picture of her beloved Colonel that was no longer with them. She felt a few tears slip down her cheek. How could she look at his face and not feel like the world's lowest scum?

Havoc walked into Hawkeye's office to deliver some paperwork Colonel Elric wanted delivered. Havoc wanted to sock the kid today. Ed had pushed his luck a lot lately. But, his pleasure of beating on him was taken away by Winry. Winry had done the job quite well by her lonesome. Havoc held back a chuckle at the lovely shiner Ed had just below his left eye.

Riza glanced up and saw Havoc. She pushed her seat back and stood. She made her way around the desk and leaned against it. Havoc made his way across the room with a slight wave. Reaching around her to place the paperwork on her desk, he never lost eye contact with her. Riza held his gaze; she pushed the picture on her desk to lay face down on her desk.

"Ma'am…" Havoc whispered.

"Sir…" Riza said lightly in response.

Havoc nodded slowly. He stood up straight and took a drag of his cigarette. Blowing the smoke back out, he shoved his hands back into his pockets. Silence fell over the two people. Riza watched his movements much to her name, like a hawk. Havoc smiled a bit nervously. It had been several weeks since their first encounter in her room when they had slept together for the first time. Several weeks following, they had quite a few liaisons. Havoc opened his mouth to speak to break the silence only to find Riza conquering his mouth.

Riza pulled them both towards the couch in the office. She shoved Havoc down on the couch. She roughly kissed him again. She began to rub his chest seductively. This is wrong… She thought as she had thought many times before. This is very wrong…Riza…why? Why are you doing this…? She soon had Havoc's bare chest exposed. I'm such a whore…a slut…

"Hawk…we…we shouldn't…not again…" Havoc struggled to say while his heart broke.

"Shhh…shut up…" Riza hissed before roughly kissing him again, "Hold on…"

Riza got up and walked over to the door. She made sure it was shut and locked. Walking back she discarded her own jacket and top leaving her bra exposed to havoc. She climbed back onto his lap.

Havoc was at a loss once again. When you are the one being used, knowing you love the person, its hard to say no. Havoc struggled to try and pry Hawkeye off. He lost, not only to Hawkeye but to himself. His desire took control. Once more, Hawkeye's office was turned into their 'play' room.

Ed sat in his apartment smelling Winry's cooking. He sighed happily and smiled. Relaxing into the couch, he continued reading a few more reports. Reading the latest one his smile faltered. Avarice again. Ed's heart fell. Winry noticed the change.

"Edward…? Are you all right?" She asked crossing from the kitchen to the living room. She took a seat next to him and looked at him concerned.

"Avarice…again." Ed continued reading the report and didn't notice Winry's tears. "He just wont stop…"

"Oh…." Winry hung her head and silently started to sob. This was too hard on Ed, and it was showing.

"Win…?" Ed looked up at the sound of Winry's soft sobbing. Ed put the report down. "Hey…what's wrong, Win?"

"You…you have so much…so much to deal with…its so hard on you! You don't share it with me! I can take some of the burden, Edward! I'm not too weak!" Winry said looking at Ed pleadingly. Ed blinked. He smiled sadly and pulled Winry into a tight hug.

"Hey, hey, hey…Shhhh. What's this…? My Winny girl crying?" Ed laughed lightly trying to cheer Winry up.

"Y…your girl?" Winry pulled from Ed and looked at him surprised through tears. "Am…am I your…your girl?"  
"What do you mean…? You always have been…" Ed smiled blushing lightly.

"I…I…" Winry was blushing heavily and cast her eyes down to her hands in her lap.

Ed smiled at Winry. He leaned forward and pulled her chin up with his hand. Before she could protest, he placed a light kiss on her lips. He pulled back blushing but happy. He was afraid for so long of losing her. He'd lost too many people. This time, he wouldn't let himself push Winry far away. He needed her around as much as she needed him. She was more than just his friend. She was his mechanic, friend, family, and most of all, his Winry.

"How's dinner coming…?" Ed asked with a smile.

"Dinner…?" Winry's eyes shot wide open. "OH NO!"

Ed blinked at Winry's sudden outburst. He laughed lightly at her attempts to put the now flaming chicken out. Ed shook his head. His Winry wasn't the BEST of cooks, but she more than made up for it with her expertise in his automail arm. His thoughts wandered to Al...


	5. Little Brother, Alphonse

Three Years Previous

Alphonse Elric…

Ed sat on the ground heaving in sobs. He was holding an arm in his hands. Not a human arm, no, one of complete hollow metal. Ed clenched the metal to his chest. Throwing back his head he let out the must gut-wrenching scream Ed had ever given.

"AL! NOOOOO!" Ed's tears poured down his cheeks and wet the shoulders of Ed's jacket and soaked in to his shirt. He fell forward onto the pavement. He sobbed into the pavement. "I'm so sorry…Al…I couldn't…I couldn't…" Ed choked on his words as new sobs choked him.

The alchemy circle was still smoking. The haunting red glow taunted Ed. It throbbed in mockery of the grief-stricken boy. Laughed at him. Ed slowly lifted his head to only behold the broken apart suit of armor that was formally known as his brother. The symbol that had held his brother's spirit intact was now nothing more than a few streaks red scratched out into the metal surface.

Ed stood in the office. A few new scars already developing on his cheeks. He felt the hot stinging still from Mustang's blow. Ed just stared at the floor. He knew he deserved every single blow from now until the day he died, maybe even after. He felt tears rising at the remembrance of Al, but he swallowed them.

"What were you thinking! That you could bring him back!" Mustang's yells could be heard throughout the halls. Officers gathered outside and hung their heads while listening to his yelling.

"I don't know…" Ed whispered.

"You…DON'T KNOW! It is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN to use HUMAN alchemy! YOU KNOW THAT FULL METAL!" Mustang screamed at Edward again. Hawkeye stepped forward a bit hesitantly.

"Sir…" She interjected. "Edward is still just a-"

"Kid…?" Mustang glared at Hawkeye. "A KID who is old enough to know that this is taboo! And for a REASON! Don't excuse his behavior Hawkeye!"

"I'm not, sir. I am just saying that you could tone it down just a bit…" Hawkeye added coolly with her own glare.

"No…" Ed silently protested. "I deserve this…I deserve every blow you take, every yell, everything. I took my brother's life. How worthless could I get…?" Ed added with a sad smile as new tears stung his eyes.

"Edward…" Hawkeye silently stared at Ed in shock. He has grown up so much…

"You've suffered enough for now…Dismissed." Mustang commanded after his initial shock.

Ed bowed respectfully and took his leave. He walked through the officers. Havoc watched the teenager walk down the hallway. He noticed the heavy burden on Ed's shoulders. He couldn't help but feel sympathy for the kid. Ed had been through so much…and none of this was going to get easier.

Mustang sat down in his chair with a plop. Hawkeye watched him quizzically. Mustang grabbed his coffee mug and chugged the now cold liquid down. He set the mug down with a bit more force than intended. He stared ahead at the walls. Hawkeye watched him silently.

"You think I was too hard on him…?" Mustang asked breaking the silence.

"Yes." Hawkeye responded.

"I wish there was someway to erase time. That way, I could go back and never have gone to Ed and Al after their try at alchemy. Maybe…just maybe…"

"Nonsense. Stop that." Hawkeye commanded firmly. "If you hadn't gone, those boys would have been in a much worse position."

"Al would still be alive; Ed wouldn't be blaming himself…" Mustang argued.

"No…Ed wouldn't be. They both would probably have been dead by now." Hawkeye leaned against the wall slightly. "Who knows what those two could have gotten into?"

"Why do you always have to be right…?" Mustang sighed and smirked.

"I'm not always right…" Hawkeye scowled.

"Yes you are." Mustang chuckled.

"Only when YOU are wrong, sir." Hawkeye grumbled.

Ed looked over at Winry. He watched her angrily dump the chicken in the garbage. His smile had faded from his memories of how Al had been lost. Winry was busy grumbling to herself about chicken.

"Winry…?" Ed stared at the floor.

"Huh…?" Winry responded distracted.

"Do you hate me for what I did to Al…?" Ed heard the platter where the chicken had met the floor. He looked up to find Winry bent down and picking up the hot pieces of burnt chicken.

"Gee…I'm such a klutz! Don't you think?" She joked around to stay off of the subject of Al.

"Win…please…tell me. I have to know…"

"I…I don't know what to say exactly, Edward. I can't answer that…" Winry said continuing to clean up the mess.

"I won't blame you…I hate myself, Win." Ed replied with a sad smile.

Winry turned around and stared sadly at Ed. He _feels so guilty over it…doesn't he…?_ She smiled to lift the spirits.

"Let's get take-out! That way it won't burn!" Winry glared back at the stove top.


	6. Truly Worthless?

Chapter Six

She shivered even though she was snug in her bed covers. She curled into a ball. Hayate looked at her as though she was insane and jumped down from the bed yawning and stretching. Riza pulled the covers closer to her. She wrapped her pajama's even closer to her body in an effort to stay warm. She was so cold.

The moon shone into the room through the thin curtains. Riza stared at the dancing shadows on the wall. The leaves danced in exotic circles and weaves before her eyes. She watched mesmerized. The leaves captivated her. She thought of the nights spent with Havoc and shivered in disgust. _How can one person be so damned dirty…how can one person be so disgusting…? _

Yet, she couldn't help the warm feeling that spread throughout her when she thought of Havoc. She belittled herself for it, but it was there. It wasn't her body reacting to the memory of him, no. It was something else…something from deeper within her. It wasn't just desire, lust, what most men may call it. It was from deeper within, from behind the darkness in her heart. Behind the past that leered at her.

She sat up and pushed her blonde bangs from her eyes. She twisted her hair up into its usual fashion. She changed into her uniform and readied herself for that day. She walked to the office and started to sort through the papers on her desk. She soon was so engulfed in her work she didn't even hear the door open.

Two warm and strong arms reached around her waist. She jumped and threw her elbow back to connect with, obviously, a man's jaw. The arms released immediately as a loud grunt in protest was heard and a heavy body falling to the floor with a thud. Riza turned around to find Havoc with one eye closed in pain with a hand rubbing the soon-to-be bruise on his jaw. Riza blinked and bent down onto her knees to help him.

"Fool…" Riza muttered.

"How's that?" Havoc countered her tone.

"Don't sneak up on me. It's a bad idea, as you now know…" Riza leveled a glare at him. Havoc smirked.

"Ahhhh…all high and mighty Hawk caught off guard? That's a first…" Havoc leaned back on his elbows for support as he watched Riza's face flush red with barely suppressed anger and then embarrassment.

"Shut up…" She grumbled with no real threat. Leaning forward to check his jaw, she put her hand on the spot she had hit. "Sorry…"

In response, Havoc pulled Riza closer. He kissed her gently and released her. Riza sat back wide eyed in surprise at the genuine tenderness of the kiss. She blinked a few times before leaning in herself letting her eyes flutter close as she kissed him back. Havoc wrapped his arms around her again. This time, without being hit. After a while the two leaned back from one another and stared at one another.

"I'm sorry, Riza. I truly am…" Havoc said to Riza with hurt showing in his eyes. "That…all this had to happen to you. I don't deserve you. I never could…but, I can bloody damn well try my best to make you smile. To make you feel like you are as worthy as you truly are, to hold you when until your eyes are dried from tears. I want…I want to love you the way that Roy never…never got to."

Riza stared in shock at Havoc's confession. She felt tears rising to her eyes. The tears made their way down her cheeks to fall off of her chin and splatter onto the carpet. Havoc mentally slapped himself roughly. _Idiot! Bring up Roy again why don't you. Bring her even MORE pain!_

"Riza…I…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought Roy up…" Havoc apologized.

"What…? No…no. That isn't it. I…I just thought that I was…only pleasurable company to you. Not…more. I don't deserve to be more…" Riza said looking down at her folded hands in her lap. She looked up at Havoc when she heard him scoff loudly.

"To be honest, Riza, I think I've been in love with you for long before you ever finally confessed your love for Roy to me. Before…" Havoc paused for a few seconds. "Before he confessed his love for you to me…"

"He…he confessed to you…?" Riza stared at Havoc at a loss for words. Havoc nodded in response. "Then…why didn't he ever say anything…?"

"He didn't know what to say. You seemed so far away from him so much of the time…" Havoc sighed. "But, he feared most for what the military would do to YOU if they found out about a love affair, should there have been one. Let alone, his enemies."

Riza nodded and wiped more tears from her eyes. She sighed. She looked around the room quickly with a scan. She had a small stack of paperwork today, less than usual. She had eighty six percent of it done anyway. She stood and held her hand out to Havoc.

"I think…we can afford a day off. I want to see his grave…" Riza said looking at Havoc hopefully.

"Anything your heart desires…" Havoc smiled gently at Riza. "Besides, it gives us a chance to use first names without getting into any trouble. So, its Jean today. Not Havoc."

Riza smiled lightly. She nodded and turned grabbing her jacket. They left the office briskly and set out for the graveyard of their dear Taisa.


	7. Finally, More than Friends?

AN: Ahhh…another one of these! sighs Sorry for the wait. Got stuck on what I wanted to happen between Win and Ed. Any way…here it is! I think I'm going to work more on the relationship between Ed and Win in a few chapters…maybe a little longer down the road from this chapter. I was listening to "Brothers" the song from FMA in the end of the "Mother" Episode at the ed of the story. So…yeah…lol. I shall update…hopefully soon! ITS SUMMER! I HAVE TIME TO WRITE! FINALLY! Hope I didn't jinx that…. , ;;;;;

Chapter Seven

Ed watched out his office window. He heard all about Hawkeye and Havoc's outing to the grave. He also realized that Hawk needed the time. _She needs to heal._ Ed thought to himself.

Riza laid the dozen roses down gently on the soft earth before her beloved colonel. She stared at the grave for what seemed like hours. Jean stared at her. He missed the annoyed looks that made Hawkeye, Hawkeye. He missed her shooting at Roy for his laziness when not doing his work. _But that Riza…would never have me. She only wanted him…I could never blame her for it. She loved him…and misses him more than ever. _Jean rubbed his eyes trying to keep any tears from falling.

Riza stood and turned to Jean. She tilted her head to the side.

"Jean…?" She asked softly.

"Huh? Oh, I'm fine. Just tired is all…" Jean smiled back.

"I do miss him, but I feel…" Riza paused, and looked Jean in the eyes. "Like I've been given a second chance. Do you think, Roy would have…approved of us?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't know. I know he wanted the best for you…whether that is me or not, we'll have to find out."

"Let's go get something to eat…I'm some what hungry." Riza turned and started to walk from the grave. Jean looked at the grave stone.

"You would never hurt her. I promise you, Roy, I will never hurt her intentionally. I love her…probably as much as you. If not more."

With that, Jean turned and ran to catch up with Riza. He tentatively grabbed a hold of her hand. He held her hand gently. Riza looked over and smiled. Jean felt as though, even with one of his closest friend's death, he had gained something so wonderful. He would die for her, if that came to be.

Ed slipped into his bed. He glanced at the clock. It was midnight. He stifled a yawn and rolled over bumping into something warm and soft. Too dark for him to see, since he didn't turn any lights on, he probed with his hand. He found the object to be very warm and quite soft. Ed never saw the hand that flew out and knocked him out of his own bed. Sitting up on the floor, Ed held his nose in pain.

"AH! What the fuck?" Ed reached and turned the lamp on. He saw one VERY pissed off Winry.

"What the hell do you think your doing, Edward!" Winry yelled reaching for her wrench.

"Oh, hell no!" Ed dove under the bed. "What the hell are you doing in my bed anyway!"

"Oh…yeah. About that…" Winry suddenly lost all anger and flushed a bright red. Ed emerged, he raised an eyebrow at Winry's blush.

"What…were you…doing in…my bed?" Ed asked worriedly.

"NOTHING SICK!" Winry threw a pillow at him. "I was…just…ummm…waiting."

"For…?" Ed dodged the pillow.

"You……." Winry fell silent and was blushing even harder than before.

"Me?" Ed blinked. "Why…?"

"Because I can!" Winry grabbed her wrench and made contact with Ed's head.

Ed rubbed his head grumbling. It had hurt more this time than any other. He stood and fell onto the bed. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Winry looked down at him.

"Tired?" Winry asked.

"Very."

"I'm sorry…" Winry sighed, lying down as well. "How…is the search for Avarice going?"

"Not well. At all." Ed sighed.

Ed glanced over at Winry. Winry was busy staring at the ceiling. The ceiling fan made its usual light creaking sound as it rotated. It was old and needed to be replaced. Ed raised his automail arm and stared at it. He clenched his fingers and then unclenched them. To be honest, Ed was at a complete loss of words. He had no idea what to say. What to bring up. What to talk about. Nothing seemed like the right thing to say.

"Looks like it's going to rain…" Winry commented turning her gaze to the window.

"Again…?"

"Yes. Again."

Ed grabbed Winry's arm gently and pulled her down. He placed his lips on hers. Winry was caught completely off guard. She had not expected Ed to do that. Ed pulled away and blushed lightly as he smiled and rolled onto his side. He turned the light off and closed his eyes. As small smile still tugged at the corners of his lips as he tried to sleep.

Winry stared at Ed. She couldn't believe Ed had just kissed her. She touched her lips lightly and blushed crimson. She smiled lightly and layed down on her side, facing the wall. She fell asleep that night with a smile on her lips next to the only boy/man she had ever loved. Her first, her true, and only love.


	8. Heaven is in My Arms

AN: Wow…this chapter is one of my longer ones. Ok, just for those who may not like fluffy writing, this chapter is…well. Very fluffy. As for the dates down below, later in this chapter, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YEARS TO PUT! FORGIVE ME! dodges all sorts of items that Flava-sava will throw So…read and PLEASE REVIEW! LOTS!

Chapter Eight

Riza laid in his arms again. This time, she sighed in content. She thought back to what had taken place only minutes earlier. She felt Jean shift in his sleep. She looked up at the soft, pointed curve of his chin. She continued to rest her chin on her arms, looking up at him from his bare chest. Jean grinned. Riza arched an eyebrow. _What is that man dreaming of now…? _

"Like staring at me…?" Jean chuckled opening one eye to stare down at her.

"So you are still awake." Riza smiled softly.

"Well…I don't sleep too well when I have people staring at me." Jean grinned. He pulled her up and kissed her. Riza melted in his arms. They pulled away from one another needing to breath.

"Do you still, wish I were him?" Jean asked averting his eyes.

"Him…? Roy?" Riza asked. She received a nod in response. "No. I never did. And now, I loved him. Jean, I really did. But, now…I look at you and, I don't know. It's different. I still love him. But, I think…my heart is mending slowly. Because, because of you. Without you…I'd probably have killed myself by now. God only knows I've thought of it. Stared at that nozzle so many nights…"

Jean held Riza tighter to him. He closed his eyes and sighed. He was content with her, right here, right now. She was everything to him. Everything he ever wanted. All the past girlfriends, all the blind dates, all the mishaps…everything, could not compare to the love he held for this woman. Right now, this woman in his arms was god sent. He could never imagine making love to any other woman for the rest of his life. When he tried, his stomach turned and he felt sick.

"Thinking?" Riza asked softly.

"Mmm…" Jean nodded in response.

"About…?" Riza prodded. She wanted to get into this man's head. He truly had an interesting intellect. It wasn't all about sex to him. She was both puzzled and mesmerized by him.

"About how I never want to sleep with any other woman for the rest of my life." Jean responded keeping his eyes closed.

"Jean Havoc…" Riza said with warning in her voice. "Are you proposing to me?"

"I suppose…in a way, I am. I love you, Riza Hawkeye." Jean opened his eyes. Instead of seeing the steaming angry woman he suspected he would, he saw a grinning Hawkeye.

"Then…I suppose, I should accept. What do you think…?" She teased.

"You're serious!" Jean shot up into a sitting position staring at Riza in surprise.

"Yes…" Riza said slowly, now a bit unsurely. "You weren't…joking were you?"

"No! I just…wow. I didn't…think you would ever…"

"What? Want you? I wouldn't sleep with you if I didn't, Jean. You've been there, through everything. Since…Roy was taken from us. I have grown to love you too. You opened my eyes. I am not alone anymore. I have you…and you have me." Riza responded and gently touched Jean's cheek softly with her knuckles.

"Wow…" Jean looked down and then back up at Riza. "So I guess…to be proper…I should ask the right question. Riza Hawkeye, Will you marry me?"

"Yes, already!" Riza giggled very uncharacteristically and tackled Jean.

The two laughed joyously. They stayed up half the night planning for the small things and the big things to come. Jean held Riza tightly and kissed her deeply. Riza looked up at Jean. She looked determined about something. Jean questioned her silently with his gaze.

"We have to stop Avarice. We have to put Roy's…no. That thing to rest. Can we, tell Roy? He would have wanted to be the first to know."

"I wouldn't have it any other way. Hell, he's probably gleaming up in heaven now! Jumping around and celebrating with Hughes." Jean laughed at the ridiculous picture of two of his closest friends jumping around on top of white clouds, drinks in hand, celebrating.

"You know…I can see that. Strangely enough, I can." Riza laughed herself at the idea.

Riza stood over the two graves. Each grave marker baring the names of each of her beloveds. The one to her left read, 'Brigadier General Roy Mustang. Leader, friend, and family to all around him. August 25.' The one to her right read, '1rst Lieutenant Jean Havoc. One hell of a partier, one hell of a friend. July 16.'

Riza fell to her knees. She buried her face in her hands. She felt smothered. She couldn't breath. She began to cry out, but couldn't. Something stopped her. The flowers she had brought with her lied to her side. She was choking. She felt like she was falling.

Riza hit her floor with a start. She gasped and opened her eyes looking around her room frantically. Once her eyes focused, she could see Jean bent in front of her looking very worried. She lunged into his arms. She couldn't help it; she had felt so little, so useless, so…alone.

"JEAN!" Riza cried out as she clutched to the material of Jean's shirt desperately, as though her life depended on it.

"Shhh….shhh…I'm right here. I'm right here…I'm not going to leave you." Jean softly cradled Riza and rubs small circles over her back.

Riza cried into his shoulder. The dream gripped onto her like no other. She looked at the calendar on the wall. She pulled away and wiped her tears away. Something was still tugging at her.

"What day is it!" Riza asked with fear.

"The sixteenth." Jean responded slightly confused.

"Of!" Riza prodded further.

"June…why? Why are you so worried?"

"Oh god…June 16…" Riza paled.

"Yeah…? Are you ok, babe?" Jean asked looking at Riza concerned.

"Do you have to go anywhere today?" Riza asked with fear evident in her eyes.

"Ummm…no. Why?" Jean was utterly lost.

"Good. Stay here, ALL DAY. With me! Don't go ANYWHERE! You hear me?" Riza was panicked. Until the day was over, she would NOT let him from her sight.

"Ummm…ok? I'm lost, Riza. What's wrong?"

"My dream. The grave stone…it said your name. It said, June 16, 1927. I won't let you go. I won't lose you too!" Riza clutched onto Jean again. Jean sighed, now understanding why she was in a panic. He nodded.

"Ok. I promise…I'll stay by your side today."

Ed nodded as he listened to Hawkeye re-tell her dream. Ed had a common understanding as to why this meant so much to her. He just hoped that it would not be leaked any further than his office. Winry sat beside Hawkeye. She nodded in understanding.

Havoc sat listening too. He just hoped to God that Ed would understand and not report them. It seemed a though Hawkeye didn't quite realize that she was telling Ed all about her affairs with him without having to actually SAY it.

"Hawkeye…" Ed cleared his throat. "I will make sure that today anything Havoc needs done will be done around here."

"Thank you, sir." Hawkeye saluted. She realized that she had practically told Ed all about the relationship she had been having with Havoc. She also realized the predicament she put herself and Havoc into.

"All right. Now that issue is settled…" Ed turned to Winry. "Winry, everything you heard in here today remain between the four of us. No telling ANYONE about this conversation."

"I understand. Completely." Winry nodded with a smile at Hawkeye.

"What…? But, sir, I don't…understand? Why don't you report us? It…is quite apparent what has been happening here lately." Hawkeye stood her ground. She knew what was right, and what was wrong. She knew that the relation she had been having with Havoc, involving love or not, was still very wrong.

"Sir, with all due respect, you're pushing it here. We were stupid; we didn't keep certain things zipped up that should have remained so. Don't lose your job over us." Havoc in turn agreed with Hawkeye.

"What the hell do I care?" Ed leaned back in his seat. "I didn't ASK for this damned job. Why the hell should I care if I lose it? Besides, Roy would have done the same. In a way…I guess you could say I'm doing you a favor."

Hawkeye saluted. She couldn't believe that the young man sitting in the seat in front of her was the same Edward Elric she and Roy had known those few years back. She recalled quite well the boys who came to central looking for ways to put right, what went wrong. She admired them both for it. She also admired Winry Rockbell for the pain and suffering she put up with to help those boys though anything.

Hawkeye and Havoc walked in silence to their offices. Havoc reached over and grabbed Hawkeye's hand. He held her hand in his own as they continued to their offices. A few faces looked shocked, a few were surprised, and some where beaming with happiness. Come what may, good or bad, tough or easy, Hawkeye and Havoc were ready to face it. Together.

Ed shook his head. He chuckled to himself. Hawkeye pulled through, as usual. She reminded him of someone he held very dear to his heart. His gaze landed on her as she stared at the door the older man and woman had disappeared through with a smile on her face. Ed admired the way the sun hit Winry's cheeks, eyes, and hair just right…to make her look like an angel. He loved the way the light reflected off of the wall almost making it seem like Winry did, in fact, have translucent angel wings behind her.


	9. Grown Accustomed to Worry

AN: Just cause I feel nice, I'll update twice in one night. ED'S AGE IS COMING UP FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO KNOW! Admit it…you people LOVE me! cough cough Any way! On with the story! Wow…I'm almost in the Double Digits for chapter numbers! YES!

Chapter Nine

Hawkeye watched out Havoc's office window all day. She sat with nothing to do. She would never allow him to die. She had finally found some happiness in this hell. Now, she didn't know what exactly but, something was threatening her lover's life. She had a feeling that something was going to happen. What? She didn't know. She didn't care to know. So long as Jean saw this night through, she would be fine.

"You look tense." Havoc commented.

"I am…" She responded without even one glance towards Havoc.

"Riza…"

"I'm worried." Riza mumbled.

"I'll be fine. You don't have to perch at my window watching everything like a…" Havoc trailed off with a chuckle. "A hawk. Guess its just in the name eh?"

"Guess so…" Riza couldn't help the small smile that spread across her lips.

"See…now there's the woman I love to watch!"

Hawkeye shook her head with a light laugh. He could be so funny and difficult at the same time. In that respect he was a lot like Roy. Only, Roy was far more stubborn. _And stupid…_Riza commented to herself in her head. She sighed and continued to watch out the window. _It was his stupidity, after all, that got himself killed. Stupid man…_ Riza held back the tear that threatened to fall.

A light knock sounded at the door. Hawkeye took her eyes away from the window. Havoc got up making some off-beat comment about dinner being late again. As soon as Havoc's hand touched the doorknob, Hawkeye pulled out her gun. She had that sudden feeling of dread. She leapt from the window sill. She put up her hand ready to shout at Havoc to stop. Havoc opened to door to find the butt of a gun shoved into his chest and a man sneering at him from the other side of the door.

Ed sighed and relaxed in his chair after Hawkeye and Havoc had left. He watched as Winry turned back to him. She smiled her usual smile. Ed couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. He stood and walked over to her. Putting an arm on either side of her, he bent down and stole a long and deepened kiss.

Winry pulled away after a little while needing to breath. She blushed and blinked up at Ed. Ed was grinning and smirking like a teenaged boy all over again. Winry couldn't help it; she started to feel the butterflies floating around in her stomach. _For God sakes Winry! Get a hold of yourself! You are not a teenager anymore! You are an adult woman! _Winry mentally yelled at herself. She looked at her life-long best friend. _But he is so…good looking. _

"You know, I can almost read your thoughts…?" Ed chuckled.

"How so!" Winry blushed and fidgeted.

"Because…you're blue eyes tell it all." Ed grinned widely again as he pushed Winry down into the couch and took possession of her lips a second time.

"Ed…." Winry mumbled into his kiss.

Gunshots were heard down the hall. Not just one, but many. Sounding almost like a long line of firecrackers sounding off in the hallway. Ed stood quickly. His eyes were wide. Winry sat up and looked at Ed.

"What was that!" Winry asked.

"Gunshots! And from the sounds of it, from Havoc's office!" Ed grabbed his gun and turned heading for the door, he yelled over his shoulder while slamming the door shut. "STAY HERE!"

"Oh my god…" Winry stood and was literally scared.

Hawkeye opened fire the instant she saw the gun muzzle. Havoc dove out of the way just in the knick of time. He kicked his rolling chair at the man. The chair knocked the man down and the gun from his hands. Havoc grabbed his own gun and turned it around to face the man. The man easily kicked the gun from his hands. Havoc blinked.

"Shit…" Havoc muttered as the man kicked him in the jaw.

"JEAN!" Hawkeye aimed true and opened fire on the man. The bullets almost seemed to go right through the man. With each bullet fired, more blood splattered on the wall of the office. Hawkeye continued to shoot long after the man was dead and on the ground. She still shot at the man's body through tears.

Havoc carefully moved away from the body, slowly and carefully. He silently moved in behind Hawkeye. He then grabbed her from behind whispering in her ear that he was fine. He grabbed the gun. Hawkeye's shooting died down. She still had tears pouring down her cheeks. It was only then Havoc noticed Hawkeye was shot.

"Riza! You're shot!" Havoc exclaimed seeing the blood stain on the uniform spreading on her leg.

Riza looked down still in her stupor. She saw the blood and watched in horrified fascination as her blood spread on her leg. She could feel and hear Havoc, but it was blurried and muddled. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. She looked up to see Colonel Elric at the door voicing his concern as well. Hawkeye felt like she was underwater. Nothing was clear, everything was blurred. All the sounds seemed to mix together and drone out together. She watched as everything faded out slowly.

"Riza!" Havoc yelled for the dozenth time. "RIZA! TALK TO ME!"

Hawkeye slumped in his arms. Havoc brought her down to the floor with him. He held her. Looking up at the horrified faces looking at the two. He recognized Ed's face with a few others. Other than that, nothing seemed very recognizable.

"GO GET THE DOCTOR!" Ed turned and ordered. A few scrambled and ran for the doctor. "Havoc…we need to get her into a lying position. Quick. So the blood flow doesn't go directly to her leg."

"Yes, sir." Havoc blindly set to the task. His mind was going at a million miles per hour.

_Wake up, Riza. Please…tell me this is a joke. You're ok, really. You're just fine. You'll just open your eyes and laugh at me. You'll just punch me and say, "Silly! It wasn't real!" God, don't let her die! PLEASE! DON'T LET ME LOSE HER! _Silent tears slipped down Havoc's cheeks and fell onto Hawkeye's cheeks and lips.

The doctor arrived as soon as possible. He bent over Riza getting to work immediately. He set to the task of digging the bullet out. Once the bullet was out, the doctor cleaned and wrapped Hawkeye's leg. He wiped the sweat from his brow.

"Doctor…is it bad?" Ed asked leaning over the doctor.

"Hard to tell at this point…" The doctor sighed.

"How…bad?" Ed asked biting his bottom lip.

"She has lost a lot of blood. She fainted from that. The bullet went damn deep. I have no way of telling whether it hit a vital nerve or not. We will have to wait until she is better. No telling till then. My equipment isn't that good…"

"Thank you…" Ed shook hands with the doctor. "All right, lets get her up to her room."

Havoc laid Hawkeye down on her bed and ordered all other personnel out. He then stripped her clothing and found a pair of clean sweats and re-dressed her. He then took her uniform to be washed and fixed. Hawkeye was dead asleep still when he returned. He sat on the edge of her bed and brushed her bangs from her eyes. He reached up and unclipped her hair to let it free. He watched her sleeping form. Gently brushing his knuckles against her cheeks, he stayed with her all through the night. Eventually, falling asleep across her.


	10. All Is Fair in Love and War

AN: WOW…if this isn't Fluff, I don't know WHAT is. Lol. This is a little more geared…well…A LOT more geared towards Winry and Edward. I am too used to writing things with a darker side. This was…pretty light. So…if its bad, PLEASE, bare with me here! YAY! DOUBLE DIGITS FOR CHAPTERS!

Chapter Ten

Ed's hair fell obnoxiously into his face. He kept blowing the bangs back up only to have them fall right back into place. He began to become frustrated with his bangs. After the umpteenth time, Ed slammed his hand down on his desk and blew the bangs as hard as he could. The bangs fell back in vein. Ed let out a deep growl.

Winry turned over on the couch. Ed looked up. He looked at Winry, then at the clock. He let out a long sigh. It was late in the night now. Looking back at Winry, he stood to go carry her to her room. Ed bent over to pick Winry up. He heard her mutter something. Curiosity kicked in. He bent closer to hear what she was saying while supporting himself by the couch arm and wall.

"Ed…ward…" Winry mumbled in her sleep. Ed blinked. "Ed…"

_What the hell! _Ed thought to himself. _She's dreaming of me…?_

"Ed…" Winry's voice changed. Ed was curious as to why she sounded so different. "EDWARD!"

Ed jumped back. He looked at Winry to find her glaring back at him. Ed paled. _Oops…_ Oops, indeed. Ed was soon knocked back off his feet. A wrench was firmly planted in his forehead. He rubbed his forehead in pain. Anger set in. He sat up and got to his feet. He glared at Winry with hands on hips.

"What the hell is your issue!" Ed countered angrily.

"What were YOU doing! Bending over me like that!" Winry growled.

"Trying to figure out WHY the HELL your mumbling MY name in your sleep!"

"What! I was not!" Winry's cheeks flushed pink.

"You so were!" Edward squeaked.

"I WAS NOT!"

"WERE TOO!"  
"WAS NOT!"  
"WERE TOO!"

Ed flopped onto the floor crossing his arms. He glared challengingly at Winry. Winry flopped back into the couch. She grumbled.

"FINE! So what if I was!" Winry challenged with a rose colored blush.

"Wow…that…that's special." Ed burst out laughing.

Winry's face turned red. Her shadow suddenly fell over Ed's laughing figure. Ed immediately stopped laughing and looked up with fear. He grabbed her wrench and sat on it. Winry's eye twitched, her fists clenched and unclenched. She then pounced on Ed in an effort to get the wrench back.

Outside the office, Fury stood with a shocked look on his face. He couldn't believe the sounds coming from the office. He blinked and turned bright red. He swallowed hard. _Should I go in…? Or…wait…? _Fury thought to himself in confusion. The loud protest of 'ow' made up his mind. Fury turned and headed down the hallway towards Hawkeye's office.

Back inside the office, Winry was holding her arm wincing. Ed was grinning in triumph. He still held the wrench firmly beneath his butt. Winry glared at him. Ed shrugged at her glare.

"Don't glare at me. YOU should have known that trying to grab your wrench from the automail YOU made would hurt!" Ed chuckled.

"Shut up!" Winry crossed her arms still glaring. "Give me my wrench!"

"Why? So you can hit me again? HELL NO!" Ed turned his head away and turned his nose up.

"WHY ELSE!" Winry yelled.

Ed sighed. He handed her the wrench. He took his beatings well. After Winry was finished she sat back down on the couch. Ed looked up at her. Winry glared back.

"What?" Winry snapped.

"I cant look at you now?" Ed sighed rolling his eyes. "What time of month is it…?" 

Ed stood and walked to the desk. He was hoping she didn't hear the last part. He didn't feel a wrench in the back of his head, so he figured she hadn't heard him. He was wrong; instead of the wrench connecting with his head he heard sniffles. Ed turned around and looked at Winry. Winry had her legs up to her nose with her face buried in her knees.

"Hey…Win, don't cry…" Ed said confused as what to do. "It's ok…I didn't mean it…"  
"Have I really b-been th-that b-bitchy?" Winry choked out. "I-I'm so-so sorry…"

"Ummm…uhhh…no. You haven't been…" Ed said at a loss of words. _Wow…this is a first…ummm…what do I do! _Ed's mind screamed at him.

Ed slowly walked over and sat down next to Winry wrapping his arms around her. He pulled her closer a bit unsure of what exactly to do or say. Winry moved over to lean against him more. She started to cry into his shoulder. Ed just held Winry. He was so lost.

"Shhh…Its ok." Ed said rubbing small circles on her back. Winry sniffled and sat up looking at Ed.

"Lo-look at me…I'm a me-mess." Winry hiccupped. Ed chuckled and wiped some of her tears away. "Have I be-been getting in the wa-way?"

"No. Actually…you've really been helping me." Ed sighed looking off towards his desk. "You've been such a relief. With you here, I'm not lonely. Which is a good thing."

Winry nodded and leaned against Ed. She shut her eyes. She let her breath slow down and calm. She was so comfortable leaning against him. It felt so natural to be this close to Ed. She let his heartbeat calm her down. The steady rhythm was helping her to calm her breathing. Ed wrapped his arms around her and leaned back into the couch.

"Winry…?" Ed asked with red cheeks. He was trying to form the right words to say.

"Mmm hmm?" Winry nodded with eyes still closed.

"Ummm…do you…want to stay with me tonight?" Ed asked softly and winced as he felt her jolt up.

"Wh…what are you asking, Edward…?" Winry asked herself both frightened and excited at the same time.

"Nevermind!" Ed sat up waving his hands. "Its nothing…really!"

"Are you asking…if I'll sleep with you…?"

"No…I was asking if you'd STAY with me! No SLEEP with me!" Ed's eyes widened. "That…is not what I meant."

"Oh!" Winry blushed. "Ummm…I…Uhhh…"  
"Don't explain! It's ok. I said it wrong…" Ed sighed.

"Ok…" Winry said leaning against Ed again. "Yes…I will."

"Ok." Ed sighed relaxing again.


	11. Picnic of Memories

AN: Shorter than usual. Sorry! I had to put in something dealing with Hughes being gone and Gracia. I am a huge fan of Hughes, so this is some what my paying of respects to Hughes. As…dumb as that may sound. Hope you like this one. REVIEW onegai!

Chapter Eleven

Every year, Central's workers took a nice picnic. This time of year was around. All the workers were enjoying their day of relaxation. Some kicking back on blankets, other at tables in the park. A few people had spouses there with them. A few people had even children with them.

Ed was lying on a blanket staring at the clouds which sailed overhead. One took on the distinct shape of an elephant. Ed chuckled lightly to himself. _An elephant, eh? _Another sailed by reminding him of a blast of flame. He shuddered.

"Damn you, Mustang. You are mocking me with that cloud aren't you…?" Ed shook his head with a smirk. "It'd be just like you too…"

"Edward…?" Winry asked sitting down next to Ed.

"Nothing. Just thinking…"

"Did it hurt?" Winry giggled. Ed scowled and tackled her to the ground.

"Did it hurt?" Ed mocked Winry. "No. Not at all!"

"Are you sure…?" Winry couldn't help it. It was just too tempting.

"Why, you! YES!" Ed laughed as well.

…………

Riza sat on a blanket shaking her head at the younger couple. _Young love… _Riza thought to herself while glancing at Jean as he was drinking with some of the guys in the office. _Joking, slacking off, having a wonderful time… _Riza thought slightly bitterly. She didn't notice the woman who had sat down next to her until she looked over. She jumped slightly.

"Oh, jeeze! You scared me Gracia…" Riza laughed placing her hand over her thundering heart. _Why am I so jumpy…?_

"Oh…golly! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you. How are you doing, Riza?" Gracia asked gently.

"I'm fine. Doing pretty well. And you? How are you doing?" Riza asked showing concern for the other woman.

"We're…getting by." Gracia nodded and smiled lightly. "Has it really been five years?"

"Wow. You're right. Five years. It still seems like just yes-" Riza caught herself and looked over at Gracia. _Damn it, Riza. Don't bring that up…_

"No. It's all right." Gracia smiled, seeming to have almost read Riza's mind as she stared off at the horizon.

"Hmmm. How is…Elicia doing with all of it?" Riza also turned her gaze off towards the horizon.

"She'll ask me from time to time why her daddy had to leave us…but, she copes pretty well with it." Gracia nodded.

"I see…"

"How are YOU doing? With Roy's death?" Gracia asked looking at Riza.

"Moving on. Slowly, but surely. I miss him." Riza sighed.

"It's always hard." Gracia looked back at the horizon. "Looks like you and I finally have more than one thing in common…"

"What's that?" Riza asked looking at Gracia.

"We both lost the men we loved." Gracia smiled at Riza sadly through tears.

Riza nodded. It was definitely true. They had. Riza sighed and hugged Gracia. Both women stared into the setting sun smiling sadly. _They would have loved to have seen this sunset with us…_ Riza thought as they watched the sun go down.


End file.
